He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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