just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
