I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
