She's JV to your varsity
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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