wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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