from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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