I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
