So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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