thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
