I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Randomize
