his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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