youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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