Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
