so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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