Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
