If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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