fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Tell her she can't have a vagina
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
