I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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