there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
