i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
