Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
