I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
