Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wear drunk well.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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