First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Randomize
