Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
