So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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