She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
