After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
