worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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