i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
