Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
