Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
