we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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