In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
