Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
