dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
