nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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