If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
