the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just invented taco cereal.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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