Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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