if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
