we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
