I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
