also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
