Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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