Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
