Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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