it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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