there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
