just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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