Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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