So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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