So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
