We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
