based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
