Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
